Horse Nonsense! An Un-Stable Thought Process

Cartoon jam-out on some silly thoughts with Boyfriend and Brother.  And probably a huge inside joke. 

HAHAHA!!  It's so funny!  Also, Horse-opoly is real.  I saw it in a mall.

Movie Musings: Halloween Movie Puns

This cartoon is an idea of my comedic muse/boyfriend.  We were talking about halloween and movies puns.  Yup, these are things we talk about....

Nervous Nerd Verse: Super Uncool Poetry

The rumours are true, my inspiration for these cartoons has been in a serious dry spell.  And like all dry spells, it's a bad one.
Then today, as I was sitting in Starbucks with my notebook and moustache writing like a pretencious artist, I came across some utterly uncouth poems that I wrote over a year ago for a regular comedy show in Edmonton called Hangtime (shout out!).  The theme was the human body, and I went on the show and read a few of these.  I was really into biology in high school (I almost went into Sciences.  What?!), in case you couldn't tell that I have an interest.  And this is what results when that appreciation smashes my geekdom in the face with pen and ink.

So here they are.  And if anyone who reads these never speaks to me again, I understand completely.  Just know that I am posting these out of desperation and with great hesitation.

This one I wrote today.  Nerd.

And.....the worst one.  Let this be a warning, you may want to stop here else you learn something.  Like how you don't ever want to associate with me again.  

Good day.

Brilliant Decisions of the 21st Centrury: The Superbad Morning After

I started this cartoon a couple of weeks ago when I was sitting at home with a hangover because my friend Kevin and I decided to play a drinking game to the movie Superbad.  The game was drink everytime an F-Bomb was dropped.  Needless to say, we lasted 45 minutes and then we had to pause because we were both smashed.  But we finished a 26 of vodka (dear lord!), and then proceeded to watch a documentary (produced by Ricki Lake) about midwives vs. hospital births.  I learned a lot.  And then slept over at Kevin's.  The next morning, Kevin got up and went to work and I couldn't leave yet becuase I was not quite functional.  An hour later, I looked like this:

Something like a limping, smelly crack whore.  It was one of the prouder moments of my adult life.  Also, I'm never drinking again.

Emoticons: The Faces of Tomorrow...Today

People who know me/text me, know that I enjoy using emoticons.  Some might say a little too much.  It's true, I do.  Because this is what the world looks like to me when I go outside.  :D

Worldly Monsters: Whatcha Gonna Do When They Come For YOU?

This idea is the brain-child of my comedic muse Kelvin.  I just "painted" it. 

Tales About Tails: A Mouse in My House

We gots mice.  They come and go, presumably to eat poison, then burrow through walls and die.  When I was little, I would put pieces of food (Rice Krispie squares, carrots, etc) under my bed in hopes of attracting a mouse that I would befriend and then dress in Barbie clothes.  Not as cute as I had hoped.  Reality is a real bitch.  Bitchy mice.  Bitches.

Be Prepared: How the West Was ... Lost

This is what happens when you don't get what you want but you still want to make a point like a whiney baby:

Typical dumb-dumbs.  Lucky for ME, Roommate and I built a bunker (our basement suite) and stock piled our rations and made nice with the mice.  BRING ON THE RAPTURE!

And Ode to Dash: She & I Could Make a Bike Romance

This isn't a funny cartoon, but it's pretty, right?  Right!?  And don't think I won't do it, marry my bike!  You don't know me!  I could very well be some kind of objectophile!  But alas, I am not, and my other bike might get jealous and I love them both equally.  So this is just a nice thought.

Bummer: A Lack of Class Regarding Ass

So.... I'm running low on ideas these days.  Good ones anyways.  This one is kind of funny.  If you're a 12 year old boy. 

Getting Broken in: The New Shoe Paradox

Just another thought that occurred to me because I got NEW SNEAKERS!!  Woo!  

They hurt me and gave me blisters.  

Also, there are mice in our furnace room.  Great.  HAPPY WEEKEND!

Funny Thoughts: "Is This Real Life?!"

Here is an idea to ponder: Kelvin and I were discussing this for some reason.

December 6, 2010:

Eudora and I had nothing to do Saturday night, so we purchased a bottle of Vancouver's finest Malibu rum and drank it on a bench in a park. We discussed important issues, and developed this idea for a tattoo. Making my parents proud today!  

Look at the detail!  Appreciate it!

January 22, 2011:

I encounter strange people on the bus daily. Which makes me wonder: why is it only weirdos who take the bus? why don't wealthy business people ride the bus? wait, what kind of people ride the bus? Right. I would be afraid too, rich people.

Thoughts that help me pass the time. And obviously there are PLENTY of other reasons why I RARELY wear the tortuous high heeled shoe. These are just the most important ones.

This is a pictoral depiction of the passionate discussion I had with my brother the other night.

Before & After: Judgments of Myself

Before & after life with a yoga ball instead of a desk chair:

Before & after Christmas time:

December 10, 2010

This week I got a one-week unlimited yoga pass with my dear friend Kevin. I have done SIX classes in the last five days :) My body is sore today... And then I come home on Monday and will return to Vancouver in 2011 looking and feeling somewhat different no doubt. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Before & after Thailand:

March 2, 2011
Dear Edmontonians;

I am sorry to report that I am losing my Albertaness since Thailand stole my cold tolerance away like a thieving whore. I am, however, working on it. And I assure you that I will never complain about the weather here, nor will I deny my connection to the "true winter experience" that is Edmonton.
 
Thank you for your understanding.
 
Sincerely,
Vanessa J. 

The Real World: Nerdville

Here are some "based on true events" cartoons.  

This one is about Skype.  My sister lives in Thailand (and I miss her like NUTS), and as great as Skype is, I wish it were MORE magical.  A blessing and a tease. 

October 23, 2010:

"Yesterday, as I was bike couriering (part-time job!), I accidentally stumbled a few too many blocks east and ended up experiencing a little bit of East Hastings. This is what it looks like but for many more blocks."

Then I was back in Edmonton in November 2010 for almost two weeks shooting a (low budget) TV pilot for a sketch show.  It was exciting!  However, also not exciting much of the time.  This was the Wednesday of shooting for me:

In November I was working as a bike courier in Vancouver which I thought was going to be amazing.  I did it all summer part-time in Edmonton and I loved it.  But then it snowed and rained.  One day in particular it snowed A LOT.  And I decided that I was a fair-weather cyclist.  This cartoon contributed to my getting "let go".  Long story short: Don't call in sick after a treacherous day on the road or befriend your co-workers on FB.

During Christmas, in an attempt to ward off the holiday bulge, I went swimming.  This is what happened:

Good thing the pool wasn't very busy that day. This is my LIFE!

I spent a lot of time with pets the last festive season. I realized a few things; a) that I am not going to have a pet anytime soon, b) that I will probably just have children (which are generally hypoallergenic). THIS IS IN NO WAY SUPPOSED TO OFFEND ANYONE WITH PETS. it's funny. right?

This is my Ode to Roommates.  And generally all the good people in my life.  When there's a lot going on in life (and even when there's not!), it's wonderful to have people to experience it all with.  From doing stand up for the first time, to high fiving!

And finally, the last chapter of the Elephant Chronicles.  Ok, this isn't a "true story" exactly, but we ARE moving and we DO despise them and craigslist DOES exist.  Look out for this add and don't answer it.  Unless you happen to be an ivory dealer...

My First Cartoons: An Exercise in Channelling Frustration

Remember THIS?!  

Me neither.  It's forgettable to say the least.  But it was the first.  I started making these cartoon things using Paint when I first moved to Vancouver from Edmonton.  Big move, everything new, few friends, no job.  I was overwhelmed.  So I was bored and decided to channel my energies into my appreciation for cartoons and making something fun out of something poopy. Here is the caption for that first picture way back in October 2010:

"i have been journaling/mind-dumping/self-blogging, and decided to make a picture for each entry. this is the first: this is what i felt after my first day in vancouver."

This next one was but a few days later.  My new room:

And then this one with where the Elephants (the worst upstairs neighbours I've ever experienced) make their first appearance:

Only a few days at the new place, and already we knew we would be moving when our six-month lease was up.  

Further frustration ensued in the employment department which lasted TWO months.  But I was ready and willing to do anything in order to keep sane.  And financially sound.

And sometimes my dreams found their way into the irritation of the job hunt.

Luckily, I never had to do either of those jobs.  And then, once employed again (for two weeks as a bike courier), I had less time on my hands to do these cartoons and frustration had significantly diminished.  Thank GOD!